I must have killed puppies in a past life

So there I was, minding my own business, thumbing through the vinyl racks and getting ridiculously excited at finally finding the 4 Men With Beards pressing of Tim Buckley‘s ‘Starsailor‘, when all of a sudden I was assaulted. A rep from one of the big record labels took a sledgehammer to my ears. With the phrase, “King Monkey’s back” the first warning signs had appeared, and next thing I knew the seemingly nice man behind the counter was loading a new CD to play. As if getting back and finding that the Russian (yes, I fucking know that this should be reason enough for leaving well alone, but I’m gullible) pressing of Emitt Rhodes‘ ‘American Dream‘ I bought sounds like it was record via a dictaphone pressed up against a cheap hi-fi speaker wasn’t reason enough to rue going in that particular store, being subjected to Ian Brown‘s new single, ‘Illegal Attacks‘, certainly was.
How the fuck this musical imbecile is still allowed to make solo records is beyond me. Having endured his live show once I realised it was actually possible to dislike him even more than I previously had. During his famously terrible support slots for the Manics in 2002 I witnessed him shouting to the crowd, “what have you got?” in return for a few people pointing out that he sounded like a seal with piles attempting to insert a melon up its own arse, before throwing a full bottle of water at a girl in the front row. A charmer. That he had to be dragged off the stage by security, despite the house lights being put up was the true nadir of a shambolic pisstake of a performance. The first Stone Roses album is a good album. I’m not somebody who puts it in the ‘great’ category, but I can understand why people do. The second Roses album has a few moments, but is an otherwise middling indie record of no consequence. Since then Brown has managed one, half-decent single, ‘F.E.A.R‘ which seems pretty good until you listen to the lyrics.
Truly, he is to music what Amy Winehouse is to mineral water.
Anyway, it would seem that Brown is under the misguided belief that somebody gives a flying fuck about his views on the war. Ah yes, well it is 2003, so it seems relevant. Oh no, wait a cotton-fucking-picking minute. It’s August 2007. I think most people get the point that it was a pretty shitty decision, and it’s safe to assume that members of the public have come to their own conclusions about what has happened. Do we really need chivalrous gent, Ian Brown to offer us his deep and meaningful observations on not-even-all-that-recent events? Do we fuck. As if listening to that dick rattle on for minutes isn’t bad enough, just to really put the wanky icing on the shit-for-brains cake, in comes Sinead O’Connor to wrap the song up. I mean, really? Honestly? Ok, fair enough.
Now, I don’t want you to just take my word for it that this is a really, genuinely horrid piece of, ah go on, I’m in a reasonable mood, music. I’m sure if you look about the internet you could find a way of hearing it. Just click there or click here and I’m sure it’ll be there. Ahem.

Oh, and because it would be mean to end like that, here’s a really good tune that came to my attention again today.
BETH ORTON – CENTRAL RESERVATION (SPIRITUAL IBIDAN REMIX EDIT)
This can be found on the 2CD best of, ‘Pass In Time‘, but really you need all of her albums if you don’t already possess them.
All of the stuff I did want to say, about Tim Buckley, Super Furries and Emitt Rhodes will have to wait till tomorrow.
One last thing. Cool, trendy internet types will be spending the next twelve hours attempting to outdo each other in terms of expressing their dislike of the new Rilo Kiley album. They are tits, every last one of them. No, it doesn’t sound like ‘More Adventurous.’ Yes, it’s much more poppy and with smoother production, but it’s a brilliant pop album. Jenny Lewis‘ voice sounds amazing and the more soulful and occasionally camp moments are wonderful. Make your own mind up on this one, don’t simply listen to those who listen to an album once before dismissing it so that they can get through the other twenty-seven albums they’ve downloaded today.

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